I love lab work rawr!!!


And guess

Church!!!

Today's church session was great haha. Helped me to understand a lot.

Live by faith, not by law.


No matter what I am, God loves me, and I love Him too. Faith, hope and love, but love is the most important. With faith and love, you can never go wrong.

So I guess I'm gonna start living my life, start accepting who I am, and start loving myself more. Yeap. I shall do that. Hehe.

It's easy to love someone but why is it so difficult to have someone you love to love you back the same way?

I want to love someone who will feel the same way. I want someone to hug, to holds hands and to sleep together because of the warmth. I want someone who will love me for who I am. Someone who will text me and have something to do with me, someone to play with, someone I can be myself around, someone who will comfort me when I'm down, someone who loves not only the strong side but the weak side of me. I want someone who will encourage me, someone who can make me go an extra mile or do ridiculous things just for them. I want someone who is the world to me and also feel like I am the world to them. 

These are all materialistic, I know. All I need is someone to love, and for the same someone to love me back the same way, to feel the same way.

Maybe I have found the person, maybe not.

I don't know, guess I'm not worthy enough, because I'm just me. How could the people I like want someone like me. Ugly, stupid, weird, different. 

But well.. 

Have faith I guess? 

You know.. I may seem as ordinary as anyone else, but somehow deep down inside, I feel different. 

I have a secret about myself. And I'm not proud of it. It's something that's been haunting me for years and I just can't seem to accept it, at least not yet. You know my best friend told me not to keep any secrets between each other, but I don't dare to tell him. I'm so afraid that if I do tell him, he'll be freaked out or feel disgusted. I'm so afraid that if I tell him, he'll not treat me as his best friend anymore and everything will start to change. I mean how can anyone accept something when even I can't even accept it myself. And honestly I do feel disgusted by myself.

What am I supposed to do? Why can't there be a manual that tells you about everything that you're going to face when you're growing up. I don't want to face this, I really don't. The thought of it makes me feel like locking myself inside a cupboard forever. I just want to hug someone and be told that I'm fine and it's okay. I need to talk to someone. Someone who will understand me and someone who won't run away or feel disgusted by me. There's only one person I can talk to but I can't risk it. I just can't. I don't want to hurt him or hurt me or change everything. I don't want to lose the only person who cares about me. I'm so scared. 

Guess I'll just go sleep. Away from this reality. A safe haven.

30/1/2013

It's been a while. So I guess it's time to update about my life huh.


Well let's see what is new about me...

I'm older.
I have been keeping to myself.
I have become really lame
And I no longer make random jokes or random comments.


I think it comes with the age. As you grow older, you become more boring. Gahh noo I shall not become like that. Because I'm awesome and that's that.


So anyway, I have been really stressed out because I have been trying to solve the hardest question of the year. Of course I failed after spending 3 months trying to figure it out. And now I'm practically dropping hair and losing my head over it,.

So.


Why did the chicken cross the road?




k.can.





I'll just move on before I die here. Anyway, my life has been pretty great, although it's been going somewhat downhill recently.


School's great. Well not really. School is really hectic and stressful. But luckily this semester is ending soon. Oh and have I told you? I scored like the highest ever last sem. GPA: 3.8, 3.9ish. I can't remember. And director's list so yeah I was the top 5. Best part: I only have 1 AD. Damn it's like being the number 1 tennis player in the whole world but never winning any Grand Slams.



I'm so proud of myself :P (what? I need some self praise boast crap once in a while)



But of course all of these happened because of my best friend. Yeah. I have made a best friend, and an awesome one too. Better than whatever I have hoped for.

Maybe some background. My best friend, aged 18. He's annoying, calls me bitch all day, steals my stuff, bullies me and can bite at times. Alright just kidding, he's actually really smart, funny, awesome,  comforting, and just plain fun to be with. Understanding, unmainstreamed, awesome, funny, awesome, smart, comforting and I'm just repeating my points again.


He's really random too and he does things that amuses me sometimes. But the best part is that I feel like he is my long lost brother that I was meant to have. I guess random sorting by genetic material is messed up. It doesn't matter though because even though blood is thicker than water, we are all still made of blood. Yeap. I like to drink Ribena though...


Let's see...
We survived Year 2 together.
We survived Inner Mongolia
We created the Renci Initiative (haha okay someone's been watching too much Avengers)


Yeah so he is pretty much an important person to me.


To my best friend: <<If you're reading this, I just want you to know that you are the most awesomest friend I have ever had. I never really say it because I don't know how to. Firstly, I really love the birthday card and the birthday present. The card especially.. at random times, or whenever I'm feeling down, I would pick it up and read it. It's really inspiring and it's a morale booster. Secondly, the times we have spent together were priceless, thanks for the memories! Thirdly, I think that you are really strange, but it's okay, I'm like that too! Haha. I know things haven't been going well lately, and at times it feels like things are not going right, but I want you to know that this is just a phase, it'll pass. It's so surreal that it feels like a dream you know? I'm so scared that I would just wake up one day and find out that all of this was not real. But you did tell me not to worry right? So I guess I will do what you say. But whatever happens, smile okay? I need you to be happy, random, and silly again. Let's create great memories for the final year ahead! ^__^">>


I'm better. Yeap.

I will be better. I promise.



One thing I have learned: It's okay to be different.

Well I am different. Can be strange at times. But it's okay, that's who I am and nothing can change that.

Why change yourself when you are fine the way you are. It's the person's imperfections that makes him perfect.



Another thing I have learned: What matters most is what we have now

Yeap. That says it all. What I have now matters the most to me. Everything else can come as a bonus. (except for my future education and job though). Things will eventually fall into place.

I just want you all to know that, we all want too much. Greedy people we are. Love and cherish what you have now!!



Okay. I guess this post shall end now. I want everyone to know that I love you, and life is too beautiful for you to feel sad! Be happy! Smile!