Everyday I hope..

A bitchy post. If you don't mind, read on.


If you're reading this, then it shall be a secret between you and me.


Don't you ever think life is like a cycle. From bad times to good times and then back to bad times again. It never stops you know? How lonely can one be? How hated can one get? Sometimes I feel like the whole world hates me and then it would be like before when the whole world really did hate me.

I really didn't know what I did to make you feel that way. You guys laughed at me, made fun of me, made me feel so small. Heck, did you know what was the worst? Pretending to be my friend and then saying to me "I don't really like you actually, I was just pitying you." There was a time when we were actually friends. Real friends. But then you had to ruin it. That's why I don't really want to hang out with you guys anymore. Everytime you ask me to go out, I would always think twice.


But that isn't the issue now. I got over that a long time ago. I found friends. Real friends. Or so I thought. How many friends do I have now? 20? 25? How many close friends do I have now? 3? 5? 7? Referring to another group of people, are you guys really my friends? Am I someone you guys cherish? Or am I just a someone whom you just know and will eventually forget? You guys said best friends forever, but is it really like that? Did you even care about my feelings? You guys just sat there laughing away while I'm right there. Talking to someone while pretending that I'm invisible. I really felt like I wasn't there. Maybe it's just me being selfish, but whenever you guys do that, whenever you guys talk about something I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm just another guy who gets left out.


You guys apologised. I forgave you, I really did. I have no right to blame you because I'm just being oversensitive. But after experiencing all of these, it makes me want to hide in my shell again. It makes me want to close up and seal myself from you guys.

We don't talk much anymore. Only during certain days when we have to meet up then will we talk. Only when there was something to do then would we talk. But even during the times we used to be such good friends, you guys didn't know much about me. Heck, I didn't know much about you guys. Even now, nothing changes. I don't even know what you guys really like. You guys don't really know what I really like too do you? No one except my family knows what my favourite food is. No it is not just waffles. No one except my family knows what my most hated food is.


There was another thing. Remember the things we would list down on facebook? My bests friends are...? I don't remember seeing my name on your lists. Not a single zhaoyan was there. Now how about that? Maybe I'm not one of your best friends. Or maybe you guys forgot about me, but that just makes it so much worse.


To a particular someone. There was a time when I really need a friend to talk to. A really heart to heart talk. I wanted to release these painful memories. But you shut me up. Yes you shut me up. I don't know whether you knew, but maybe it was me being selfish again because it was rather late at night and it was way past your bedtime. But couldn't you just stayed up a little longer? Just for this friend who was in so much pain? Couldn't you have just listened till the very end? Couldn't you? Maybe you found me annoying because I kept bothering you day after day. Maybe. Maybe you did stay up a little longer.. Maybe.


I guess I'm just selfish.


I feel rejected. Even among you guys. I know it's selfish of me, but I can't help feeling rejected. It's not fair to you guys because you guys have your own problems. Most of it is probably more serious than mine.


I will always be there when you guys are troubled. I will always be there when you need me. I will ask you if you're fine. But could you do one thing? Just don't ignore me. Even if you don't want to tell me, I won't force you. Just at least tell me that you don't feel comfortable sharing with me so that I will not be left hanging there.


To this group of friends now, I feel like we are drifting apart. Everyday I feel like the close bond we have is becoming thinner and thinner. I fear that one day the bond will be so thin till it appears like it isn't even there.


I don't hate you. To be honest, you guys are actually the best friends I ever had. After reading this, you would probably list me as one of those assholes. I don't blame you because I think I really am one. But know this, you will forever be in my heart, even when we are not close anymore.



Moving on, I have made friends with a few people. But sometimes I think that they just hate me. Or find me annoying. It's like they keep giving me this feeling that they're saying "I don't like you, go away" or "don't talk to me". Am I really that bad? What did I do to feel so hated? However, there are times when the same people who would come and talk to me, like I'm their friend. I really don't like being played. Am I your friend or am I not? Don't come and hurt my feelings all over again. If you don't like me, say it. If you don't want to be nice to me, then don't. Just stop pretending.


Today for example, one of them told me off. They wanted to build a tree of some sort. They couldn't come up with anything. I tried giving a suggestion. But I was ignored and scolded. I just wanted to help. But now I know, I should stop being nosy.

I'm an annoying shit.


Again, I want to say this. I really want to be friends. And we are friends right? Because from what I see, it's like sometimes I'm your friend but sometimes I'm not.



After all these years, I have been searching for answers, about my loneliness. I have so many friends, but why do I still feel so lonely? Everyone tells me to get a girlfriend, but that's not it. I don't need one, at least not yet. What I need is love, but of a different kind. I need love from my friends. I need true friends, who will accept me. I need friends who will actually care and comfort me. Friends who won't do things that will hurt me when they know it will. Friends who don't ignore and me and treat me as invisible. Friends who are proud to be my friend.


I know I sound very demanding. Is it right to actually ask for all of these? But if I don't say it out, no one will ever know..


Everyday I hope, I wish I would find a friend who can do all of those. But is there even a person who is like that?



I feel pathetic after writing this post.

what?

Hi I'm learning La Campanella..

It's a ridiculous song.

just saying :P

kthxbai

Music But Of A Different Kind

Hello. Have you heard of the band called Freelance Whales? Or maybe another band called Explosions in the Sky? Well all I can say is that they are A M A Z I N G..

Freelance Whales is a I don't know, indie kind of music? Well they sound like those folksongs where people play in annual village parties. And then the people dance around the campfires and start hopping till the werewolves find them and everyone stops. But, the surprising thing is the werewolves start dancing too and everything resumes..

Okay that didn't make sense.. but those songs are really awesome. Not only does it calm your soul, it gets you dancing too! Like really allows you to get into the song. They have a groovy beat too! ^^


Moving on, Explosions in the Sky is a deeper, subtle kind of music. No singing, just instruments. And damn the songs have a lot of character. Some are just quiet, some are depressing, some are really dull.. you know those kinds of music. Not many people appreciate this kind of music, mainly because it is not mainstream and it is not direct like the music you hear everyday.

Well actually if you listen it the correct way, you will find these songs very interesting. All you need to do is imagine. Yeah you heard me, imagine. Use your imagination, let it run wild. Search your soul for memories to fill it up. Usually I will find my emotions being amplified. From sadness to sorrow. From happiness to tears of joy. So use your imagination! (:

Well there you go, two different kinds of music. Go and listen to them and enjoy! ^__^"

Best Movies, TV Shows, Books, Musicals, Live Shows

Well, the title says it all! Not in any order of preference. (except maybe the year it was released in for the movies part)

MUSICALS/LIVE SHOWS
The Phantom Of The Opera
Voyage De Lavie
Swan Lake
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TV SHOWS/Anime
NCIS (currently following and is my most favourite show)
Criminal Minds (same as above)
Fairy Tail
Ouran High School Host Club anime
Heroes
Merlin
The Legend Of The Seeker
Summerland
That's So Raven
Pokemon (until the final episode of Johto League)
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BOOKS/MANGA
Fairy Tail

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MOVIES

Movies before 2008
Enchanted
Pirates of the Carribean trilogy
Star Wars episodes 1,2,3
Lord Of The Rings Trilogy
Love of Siam
Evan Almighty
Forrest Gump
Johnny English

Movies in 2008
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Dark Knight
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Kung Fu Panda
Bedtime Stories
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Defiance
Hellboy 2
Marley and Me
Vantage Point

Movies in 2009
2012
17 Again
Avatar
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Ice Age 3
Monsters Vs Aliens
Night at the Museum 2
Planet 51
Push
Red Cliff
Sherlock Holmes
Race to Witch Mountains
Star Trek
The Surrogates
Terminator Salvation

Movies in 2010
Burlesque
Charlie St Cloud
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of the Dawn Treader
Despicable Me
Inception
How To Train Your Dragon
The Last Song
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Prince of Persia: Sands of Time
Resident Evil 4
Robin Hood
Salt
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Step Up 3

Movies in 2011
Ip-Man 2
I am Number Four
Battle: Los Angeles
Johnny English Reborn
Thor
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Kung Fu Panda 2
X-Men: First Class
Super 8
Transformers 3
Captain America: The First Avenger
Real Steel


All Time Favourites (The best among the list because each of them have left me a good impression of some sort)

Enchanted
Evan Almighty
Forrest Gump
Pirates of the Carribean trilogy
Star Wars episodes 1,2,3
Lord Of The Rings Trilogy
Love of Siam
Kung Fu Panda
Bedtime Stories
2012
Avatar
Monsters Vs Aliens
Burlesque
Marley and Me
Charlie St Cloud
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of the Dawn Treader
Despicable Me
Inception
How To Train Your Dragon
The Last Song
The Surrogates
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Vantage Point
Salt
Step Up 3
Super 8
Real Steel


*This post will be updated constantly*

As long as there is love, there is hope

Recently, I saw this Thai movie called Love of Siam.

I have to say that it is a touching show. There is some humour in it too. But it is so omg LOL. Overall I think the show is really nice. Come on, how often do you hear zhaoyan say a show is really nice? :/



Well even though the story focuses on gay romance, but I think that story is actually trying to tell us more about general love itself - family love, friendship love, love for each other.



Okay the story goes like this, two boys(Dong and Mew) who are neighbours are childhood best friends. However, Dong's sister went missing which affected his family. Because of this, Dong's family moved away. Then six years later, they came back and it is shown that Dong's father is a heavy drinker and Dong's mother has to take care of the family and also earn money. Also, the film shows that Dong's mother tend to control him because of the pain and love of losing her daughter. After a while, Dong and Mew meet up after 6 years and slowly found out that they have feelings for each other. And also at the same time, Dong meets a girl who happened to look like his long lost sister.

I won't tell you anymore, go and watch the show yourself ^^ (by the way I liked the songs in the show)


So in the show, there are many love triangles like A like B, B like A but C likes B and D likes A. Also it shows many elements of human life. It shows the struggles of family, friendship and love.

Many really good questions are also asked in the show.

If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it one day when we are separated? And if being separated is a part of life, and you know that separation is inevitable, is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? Is it possible that we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all?


Honestly I have no idea how to answer it. So you can go and think about it.



Also, the show also have some meaningful quotes like


"Even if we made mistakes along the way, it's better than never having tried to love and be loved"

"Life always gives us the opportunity to start over after we learn from our mistakes."


And I have to say that I totally agree with them and it really taught me quite a bit.



However, there was one quote which really hit me.


"As long as there is love, there is hope"



Our world is full of fear, hatred and money. There are no lovers nowadays, only players. What was taught about love was forgotten.


Someone once told me that our world was so different long time ago. She said that she would often go to this mama shop and secretly take some sweets when the owner wasn't looking. And they never got caught. I think that the store owner knew, but he just let them take the sweets. So why did he let them take the sweets? Well to be honest, I don't know the answer. But I think it is because of his love for people. He probably thought that they were just kids and let them take it so they could be happy. People and their love for one another was what brought them happiness.


Nowadays, it's all about money.. Whatever happened to the old days? We were all so happy then.



Well after reading this, you should probably understand what I'm trying to say. What we need in this world is more love. Love your family, love your friends, love your enemies because with love, happiness follows and the world will become a much better place.



As long as there is love, there is hope.







Picture from: http://www.flixster.com/movie/love-of-siam-rak-haeng-siam